Monday, January 13, 2014

Dear Buddah Belly| A letter to my pregnant self



Dear Buddah Belly,
  
I’m finding it hard to look at you and see the beauty in performing such an amazing miracle. I’m not quite sure why this 2nd time around is so difficult for me.

I mean, let’s be honest here: I should be bragging about how you’re carrying a whole other person! Helping them to form and develop and get ready for the outside world. Which, also let’s be honest can be a scary place! So you need to be as ready as possible!

For some reason when I look in the mirror at all the extra curves, dimples, acne, and marks I just see a reminder of what my body isn’t anymore…it isn’t bikini ready, it isn’t skinny, it can’t fit into my old clothes.  It’s not as small as it was during my first pregnancy. I find myself comparing you to pregnant celebrity bodies, perfectly pregnant bodies at that. In my head I know that isn’t realistic and they get to wear the expensive maternity clothes, have 2 hours of hair and make-up, and maybe not indulge in Dairy Queen as much as I do =).

What I should really see is all the things that these changes mean and be grateful for the opportunity. So many women would love the chance to carry a life inside them. To have to warrior marks of being a mother. This is a time I will never be able to get back, the only time that my daughter will literally be a part of me. Where I am solely responsible for her entire wellbeing. She and her brother are the only people to know the sound and rhythm of my heartbeat from the inside.  I am the only person that will ever know what it was like to feel them grow and stretch inside me. Their kicks and hiccups (even their little hands/feet getting caught in my rib cage) =0). 

So I’m really going to make an effort to look at the positives, I only have about 96 days before you’re here and as excited as I am to meet you I want to enjoy this pregnancy too.  Instead of complaining about being tired from lack of sleep, I’m going to enjoy our little 3am parties. You’re obviously just trying to spend some girl time with me! And when I get those Braxton Hicks contractions, I’ll know it’s because you just want to meet me [BUT you need to grow a little more first!]. I’m going to try to ignore the number on the scale because maybe the extra weight is keeping you extra comfy and warm [We've had some really cold days this winter]. And all these extra marks…well one day when you’re 16 I may use them for my benefit  when you want to roll your eyes at me and tell me I don’t understand you ;-)

The thing is you’re a beautiful blessing and a work of art; you will be a little piece of me and your dad walking around. Sure, I may not look like Rachel Zoe or Kim Kardashian and I may never look like my 21 year old self again but that’s ok because having you will be so worth it.

We’re all so looking forward to meeting you, your big brother is so excited to hold you and help feed you. Your dad is ready for daddy/daughter dates, and I’m excited about not being outnumbered by boys in the house! You take your time and make sure you’re all done growing, we can be patient, it just give me some more time to learn to be comfortable in this mommy body of mine. 

Love you already.

Mom

Please note that I do NOT resent my pregnancy in ANY WAY! I'm merely having a 'girl moment' and finding it difficult to accept my changing body. I love my baby more than words can say and I can't wait for April when she'll be here. 

Linking up with Molly and Carly

25 comments:

  1. You make pregnancy look beautiful and don't ever think otherwise. Celebrities have photo shop to edit out the imperfections instead of embracing them.

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  2. You are one gorgeous pregnant lady! I know what you mean, though, some days you just gotta have a moment.

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  3. You look absolutely gorgeous in that picture! I think you are a beautiful pregnant lady, and i can't want to see pictures of your beautiful girl :)


    xo,
    Angela

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  4. wow! it's been a minute since i stopped by. i love your new blog design, but more importantly i love this post. i'm not a mother, but i can relate to feeling guilty for my feelings. but we're human and we're entitled to them. you look beautiful!

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  5. The last couple of months are always the hardest Marissa. Hang in there doll. I can only imagine. Wait til you see her! It will all be worth it.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  6. susan@avintagefarmwifeJanuary 14, 2014 at 11:47 AM

    Ahhh! What a sweet and honest post! The second time around we realize that things really won't go completely back to the way they were before. And that is ok. And it's OK to be a little sad about it!

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  7. Let me just say that you are one of the most beautiful women that I‘ve ever seen and even more so pregnant! It will be worth it indeed! And I'll be sure to bookmark this post for 2016/2017 when I hope to balance out our family with a precious little girl :-) You'll be back in those bikinis before you know it! And you'll get to the best birthday present this year!

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  8. Great way to get sympathy compliments

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  9. is there a reason you're being negative? or is it just for the sake of being negative? Marissa wrote a beautiful, personal post and if you don't like it, then don't read it.

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  10. love you my sweetie, and In the imagine of the Great I AM I love the post, make sure and print a copy for her treasure box make sure it is on acid free paper, remember to write her one when she come, I cannot wait to see her ......

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  11. super sweet post! I'm sure I'll be feeling the same way the second time around. My son is now 6 months old! Enjoy your pregnancy as best you can. xo and God Bless!
    http://www.dimepieceonadime.com

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  12. She's going to be an April baby just like you!!

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  13. When you think about it, pregnancy is kind of a crazy thing. If it weren't just a part of life, it would feel impossible to rationalize. You are allowed to have a 'girl moment' once in a while, I know you are an amazing and loving mom and mom to be!

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  14. you look amazing and pregnancy is such an amazing experience! don't compare yourself to anyone else and just think how incredible it is that you're creating another human. having a baby really puts everything in perspective. enjoy the journey! :)

    cute & little

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  15. Thank you Kileen, I am so blessed to be able to carry this life and I know that. I just have my days where I miss my heels and girly things :)

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  16. I know! April babies are awesome! ;)

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  17. Thank you Auntie! I am so excited to meet her! :)

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  18. Thanks friend! I am definitely motivated to work it out once she is here! :)

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  19. Thank you! I know she will be worth it, but getting used to my new body is honestly a little hard. I'm glad it's ok to feel these feelings.

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  20. I can't wait to meet her Kim! :)
    Another shopping partner!

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  21. Thank you! Yes, I definitely have my moments but I am still SUPER excited about meeting my little girl :)

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  22. Ivory, you are the sweetest! Thank you so much, I know it's ridiculous to hold myself to their standards but it's hard when you see them everywhere! Love ya!
    xo

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